Chinese Food

Yum, I just ate some sesame chicken. And crab rangoons. Chinese food is gooooood. I got the hair stuff taken care of, but I still don't have the music set up. I haven't heard from the organist in 3 days. I'm becoming worried. If it's not settled by Monday, I'll have to take the stuff to be printed without it. Puke.

I'm still not feeling that great, my nose is awful I hope it's better soon....

Motivation. nope

I have no motivation to work today. I see my desk covered in papers and other things I could do, but no! I would rather do nothing. I like my job, don't get me wrong, but today I just feel zapped. I did this morning. I let myself sleep WAAAAAAY too late, and was late to work. Now I'm in my office, staring at the aforementioned papers. Yeah. I guess the situation of my life in general is due an update.

The big "b" is, over, I guess. I got my discharge paper in the mail, and that's supposed to be the end. I do still have to go to court on the 6th, and I so still have to surrender my tax return, but other than that, I'm done. I have to save up to get a secured credit card. That's supposed to be my first step in the credit recovery department. I'm anxious to do that. I guess I'm still young enough to not have the affect me as badly, but dang. I still don't like it.

Student loans are still there but in forbearance at the moment. I'm still scared I'll never pay those off. There's a plan. I hope it works. I haven't spoken to evil in over a year now. That's strange to me. It's amazing how much a part of your life someone can be and then is gone in an instant. Now, I'm not saying that I EVER want to see her face again, but it's just odd.

All that stuff was depressing me, so on to better things. The wedding is in 9 days. I'm going to be first hair appointments on Saturday. Mom is picking up my dress on Friday. I'm excited. I'm really lucky to have found someone as awesome as my Jason. I wonder if he knows. Even if the wedding ended up having no music, no guests, no anything, I would still be so happy.

I have good friends. I can count on them to talk to me when I'm down, when I'm up and laugh at me when I insult the organist. Yeah, I totally deserved that. We live in a nice, cozy apartment. It might be small, but it's the first place other than my parents' that's really felt like home. I love the paint we put on the walls. I have love. I have a wonderful family. I have a new family.

What do I want? I want my student loans paid off. I want Jason to find a new job that he loves. I want to be with him forever. I want to have friends over and cook out this summer. I want to have more confidence and less insecurity. I want to clean the house this week. Okay, that one I NEED to do.

I know this has all been kinda stream of consciousness, but well, that's where I am.

HA HA!

I bet you all didn't think I would post today. After my lofty goal of yesterday to post every day, I would have been easy to fall off so soon. I didn't!

Diana got her results yesterday. It was good and bad. It was malignant, but they got it all. It may have spread, but it may not have too. So, we wait.

I'm feeling some better but my nose is still all crazy.

That's all for now, I don't really feel like talking about anything else I guess.


p.s. Hey! If ANYONE is reading this, leave me a comment. I'm losing faith that I'm doing anything other than talking to myself.

I'll try

I'm going to try to update every day. I figure if I really want to make a go of this, I'd better be committed. So here's today:

I'm home sick. I think I have the flu. I'm feeling a little better right now than I have been this weekend. I think drinking all that water last night may have helped. At least my throat doesn't hurt as much anymore. I think it's good for me to stay home today though so I have a chance to get better.

I called the vet and Diana's pathology is back, but the girl who answered the phone didn't know what it said, so I'm waiting for a call from the vet.

So, here I sit, watching TV, and thinking about wedding things. I need to make a good plan for the reception and choose a few more songs for like Father/Daughter dance, and cake cutting and carter/bouquet toss.

I actually got my discharge on Saturday. So, I'm technically done with the big "b". Now it's rebuilding time.

I don't think there are any more updates yet, I'll post about Diana whenever I know!

Oh, what a week

I almost ruined our whole wedding with only two weeks left, and Diana had surgery.
Monday, we took Diana to have her tumors removed. She went in at 8 ish, and I left work early to pick her up that afternoon. When we got home she was so drunk, it was hard to watch her. She wanted to walk around the bedroom (we put her in there with bed, food, water and litterbox so the other cats wouldn't bother her) but she kept falling over. It was really painful. For me, not so much for her, I don't think. The instant we left her alone she went under the bed. She likes to get under there, but has never been able to figure out how to get out. We had to lift up the mattress and box spring and then I had to pick her up to get her out. When there's a GIANT incision on her stomach, that's not easy. We stuffed pillows in the cracks so she couldn't get back under there and left her alone some more in the hopes that she would sleep. So she settled down in the closet and slept. The next day was better, and the next and the next. She's doing really well now, doesn't seem to have any pain, and has developed a strange cat fetish. She loves it when you pet her on the shaved part of her stomach, near the incision. She squirms and turns to get your hand to go there. It's soft, but I don't want to grab a handful of stitches. The vet said to wait 4-5 days for the pathology to come back. I'm still worried, but I'm trying not to borrow trouble.

So, I almost ruined our wedding. I've been trying to get the music planned for months now, and hadn't made any headway with ANYONE. We wanted Jason's step-mom to play, but the church wouldn't allow it. I asked to talk to the organist and got no-where. Finally, when I got through to the pastor on e-mail, he nixed all of my recorded songs saying that they had a very talented group of people working there. SO, after our meeting with the minister, he promised to have their "substitute" organist call us. They don't even have an organist. So, a week later, he calls me and says he could play anything and I send him our list of requests. He emails me back saying that he doesn't know most of them and asks if I could get sheet music. Jason calls up his Dad, and they have the music. for organ. on hand. So, I tell the organist this, and his response is to pick different songs because he's not comfortable with those. I was mad. It had been a really long week, I'd been trying to get this together forever and now who knows what will be played.

Here's where I really screwed up. I was frustrated, and I wrote an email to Jason, it said: I'm about to scream, this guy is such a putz, I'm about ready to call the church and complain. I hit send. I looked in me sent folder a few minutes later. I had sent the email to THE ORGANIST. OMG. I sent 3 apologetic emails and waited. I was sure we were out of the church, and the wedding was ruined. I felt awful. Sure, I was frustrated, but I had no right to be so mean. I'm sure I'd hurt his feelings and I didn't want to do that. I was being cut off at every pass. I had the solution at my fingertips. I wasn't allowed to use it. So, I waited. I waited all day and most of the next for the phone to ring.

Then, while we were out grocery shopping, it did. It was the minister. He said that he understood that we wanted our day to be special, but he had to look out for his people. He said that we could go forward, and I apologized profusely. I called the organist and apologized. He sent me an email this morning. I hope we can just work it out for this, and this has left me with some advice for brides. Don't pick your church on looks. I'm a member of a church, and I love everyone there. My father is the minister for goodness sake, and The rest of everyone is great. the problem is that it's tiny and not that pretty. I always imagined having my wedding at a big beautiful church, and that's not what mine was. So, I chose this church for it's looks. I've gotten the feeling what the minister has never liked us, and now this mess. So, my advice for brides would be to attend the church you are thinking about for a few weeks and get to know the staff before booking. That way you are assured to have the best experience.

Less than one month!

We've got less than one month to go, and I've got 8 million things to do! I'm excited and happy. I've booked my appointments, and I'm doing all I can. I had my final fitting. I love my dress. I put on the whole ensemble this last time and it looks great. I'd share a picture, but I know my audience (hi honey! I love you!).

It's all of the last minute details that are piling up now. But, I still feel like I'm on top of things in general. Now, for the downer moment - we took our cat Diana to the vet this Monday, and she has several tumors on her stomach. She has surgery Monday to remove them, but this might not be a fix for her. The vet says he has to see what the pathologist says. I'm really worried, but I'm trying hard not to let it get to me, not to feel bad until I hear what the pathology says.-

Downer moment over. Jason and I went to see the Leisure Kings again. They are so great. The show is funny and good. We actually went outside this time to see him breathe fire. It was cool. If you read this, ANYONE, leave me a comment. I've been reading big girl blogs all week and feel lonely! I promise I'll post some more pictures soon, but here's a random one. Make of it what you will.

Dean Koontz shouldn't write for kids

So, I just picked up a copy of Dean Koontz's children's book "Robot Santa" from the shelf. It's creepy. There's a gorilla who wants his teeth flossed, an evil Santa with toad snot, and cat poop, and evil Santa's creation, robot Santa. Robot Santa is just wrong. He's got scary android hands, and I just got to a part where, in response to mistletoe, he takes of his lips and nibbles his own ear. I think this proves that Dean Koontz is so creepy that he can't write NOT creepy. Yeah. Check this out:
" Good manners require a sweet Christmas kiss
a loving smooch in situations like this,
a tender moment of holiday bliss

He unplugs his lips and kisses his cheek,
then nibbles his ear. Oh, dear, what a geek!
Forget robot Santa, call him Santa Freak!"

Yeah. You know I LOVE Dean Koontz. Just not for kids. Or really, his kids books aren't for me either.

Life? Yes , I have one still. This past week, I've been busy-ish getting more Christmas stuff and wedding stuff done. I got an email from Sallie Mae the other day, but I couldn't get in to the attachment. When I called them, they swore the email wasn't from them, but it was the same address and everything as before. It worried me that it was phishing, and I had given the attachment my ssn, but I downloaded it first, so I hope it's okay. No new news on the other things, I am just going to sit back, because stressing and calling people has gotten me no-where.

Let's see, what else this week... OH YEAH!! WE GOT A Wii!!!! The wonderful Steve and Rachel got us a wii for our wedding!! It's really awesome. We already bought 2 games and rented 2 more. We bought paper mario and a wii blaster that came with Link's archery. We also have the sports one, which is fun, but more fun with two wiimotes. Then, Jason rented Medal of Honor (I think) and I rented Cooking Mama. It's fun and strange all at the same time. I've made lots of things. I am pretty good at cracking pretend eggs now. The one I want now is Warioware Smooth Moves. It is so much fun and so strange. We also got the genesis working now, and I've been playing and remembering how HARD Ecco is, and getting stuck at the same places Amanda and I used to in Jr High.

I had my bridal shower this Saturday. It started snowing hard that morning, and I was really worried that I was going to have no-one show up, but I was wrong! Quite a few people showed, and I had a good time! I hope everyone else did too! I got some great gifts too! A whole bunch of new plates, a blender, and, a Hello Kitty sewing machine! It is very awesome. I have my second dress fitting tomorrow, and the batchelorette party not too far away! It's all going so quickly! I guess that's all for now. Laters!

It's been too long

Sorry to anyone reading this, and especially to schmoopie. Sorry. I've managed to get some positive thinking done. I went to the doctor and she found NOTHING in my breast. It was nothing ever. Nothing to worry about. I think I can cope with going back to court. I'm waiting right now for them to file the paperwork so I get a date. I decided to make the doctor's visit a turning point. It was the first positive (non-Jason related) news I've gotten in a while. If that's going well, the rest will too. I say non-Jason related because stuff about him is always good. In other news...

Christmas is almost here and I'm almost done shopping. Almost. I've got a couple of things left to get for a couple of people. My bridal shower is this weekend! Yay! I still can't believe that I'm the bride this time. I'm so happy! We put up all of our Christmas stuff! I keep meaning to take pictures with it all together and the living room clean, but it hasn't happened yet. We ordered, put together and mailed out invitations. I think they came out really well. I had my first fitting for my gown, it's beautiful. I love it. I love it more than all the other ones in all the other shops. I hope Jason likes it when he sees me walk down the aisle. I still need to make the favors.

Ooooh! We got an old Sega genesis the other day! We tried to hook it up, but it wouldn't work, so we took it back to the store, and it worked there. Then we brought it home and now it works there too! We got a lot of games! Ecco the Dolphin, Aladdin, Sonic, Jurassic Park, and X-men one, a Wrestling one and a racing one! I played ecco this morning, and I felt like I was back in Amanda's bedroom. Hee!

Better things

I don't know how I'm able to compartmentalize my life like this and still be stressed, but I didn't want to write about good fun things in the same blog as bad evil things. soooooooo....

We painted this weekend. The living room this time. Bright blue this time. I think it's beautiful. I'd always wanted to paint my house beautiful bright colors, and now I have. I didn't at the condo, because I was afraid that stupid people wouldn't like it, and I'm sure that would have been true, but this is great! It's so blue, Jason saw it from the street the other night. It was really easy to! The bigger wall took about an hour, and Jason did the smaller one by himself today! I really love it, and I think it looks great with the couch.

Also, I ordered my wedding invitations this weekend. They are really pretty. Chances are, if you're reading this blog, you're going to see one, unless you found me otherwise! Hee hee! Here's the walls!

I really don't know.

So, I've been looking at what I wrote last week and I don't know if I feel any better or not. I'm not constantly down in the uber dumps, but I'm not all better either. Jason really helps with this a lot. He's like an instant feel better for me. I don't know how I got so lucky with him.
The whole "B" thing is just so depressing. I feel like it will follow me around for the rest of my life. Plus there's the student loans. Arrrgh. I have to weigh the good versus the bad I guess. I said a long time ago, that even if i had to file the "b" it wouldn't affect my daily life. Now, I'm letting it, through stress. I have to try to not let it, but that's hard. Anyone have suggestions for how to rise above? Leave me a comment.