Thursday, November 15, 2007

If it's possible, worse

At least it feels like it. So I went to the meeting of creditors yesterday, and that went okay, but I found out that I'm going to have to go to court again. I have to go plead my case to keep the car. It was what I was afraid of, and I really don't want to do it. It's awful. I'm really scared. It's probably next month. Also, now if I sue her, the "B" trustee gets the money! So it's a moral issue. Do I want to spend the time and money to go after her, or not? It would mean extra hassle for me. BUT otherwise it seems like I've done nothing to go after the person who screwed my life up so bad, and pretended to be my friend the whole time.
Also, I went to the doctor yesterday morning and she found a lump in my breast. Great. Just what I needed. Health concerns to go with the other crap. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a lump of concentrated stress. So, I have to see a specialist.
I'm feeling REALLY down today. I feel like I'm never going to get a break. I mean, I've been happy this summer, this year, but there's always been some unfinished business hanging about. There's always a cloud. There's always something and it's always a big something. It leaves me wondering what I've done wrong karmically to deserve this? I haven't killed anyone, in fact I've tried not to hurt people. I thought I was a good person, now I wonder. Am I really that awful? Am I ever going to have a life clear from major problems? I mean, the bankruptcy is on my credit for 10 years. Yeah, the people say that if I'm good in 2 years things will be back to normal, but I just don't know. It was the last thing that I wanted to do. I didn't want to declare it. I had to. It would have ruined my future for sure, having the judgment on there. It would have slapped itself on to any house I bought, it would have followed me to my grave. It was my only choice, but it doesn't affect any of my other bills. I don't have any other debt that is going away. I had gotten rid of any credit card debt years ago. I didn't have anything else. Why did it come to this? Why do I deserve this? Why?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Okay, the big B meeting is tomorrow at 2. I am more terrified than I thought I would be. I thought that once I made it through that first one, this stuff would be cake. but I'm scared. I'm not going to write much more, but just think of me tomorrow, and think no-asset.