Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Past

Do you know what I miss? Probably not, unless you're inside my head. It's something that I never thought I'd be parted from. It's something that we've all had. It's something that you may be able to fuzzily guess from the title of this post. I miss.....

Toys. I don't really miss particular toys, though, I'd like to still have some of my My Little Ponies, or the kitchen set. I don't miss having toys to play with, if I wanted to, I could go out and get anything I really wanted. What I miss is the concept of toys. I miss seeing a commercial for something simple (say, a water gun, or a new doll) and seeing in that moment the potential for fun. Thinking, WOW! I miss playtime. Getting so lost in a fantasy about something so minor that you don't hear your parents calling you for dinner, or see the street lights go on.

You see, I miss the promise of toys more than I do the actuality of them. There was a time in each of our lives that some piece of plastic, or metal, or wood, something simple held so much. They were to be sought after, shown off, and shared. These real, physical, easily attainable things were goals for us. They were huge parts of our lives. They were what we wanted instead of a house, or a new car, or an iphone. As we grew, so did the costs of our desires.

I guess what it really gets down to, is that I miss pretending. I miss the time when my imagination was rich enough to turn a sneaker into a car. The water from a garden hose into a river, or my crossed ankles into a mermaid's tail. I think that the real shame is that adults don't pretend as much. We're not allowed to. It's childish. Some adults turn to things like drugs and alcohol to achieve this kind of escape. I want it back. I want to pretend, but somehow, now it seems difficult. Like I'm trapped now in the real world, and my way out shrank to a hole that I can't fit through anymore. It seems life is so complicated now that nothing comes without strings. If you want that new house, there's maintainance. iPhone? Contract. Huge TV? Satellite. Even our hobbies carry strings like that. If I want to take up knitting, I have to buy all of these supplies. If I decided to play golf? Clubs, green fees, etc. Maybe this is something only temporarily gone. Maybe this is nothing that I should mourn the loss of, maybe it's simple materialism.

I want a toy. One, simple thing that I can make into a thousand complicated ones. I want to be able to turn the cubby under the stairs into a castle again, and the swings into airplanes. I want to be the childlike empress with a pearl necklace around my head, and it to be fun, not hard. I want to toboggan.

I've decided something while I've been writing this. There is one sanctuary of pretend left for us adults. Know what it is? Post it in a comment, and I'll let slip soon.


Kara said...

pretend is one of the best parts of being a mom -- at least for me. it's fun to watch my kids pretend, and to encourage them to continue pretending. :)

Anonymous said...

I miss that too!

Sarah said...

I definitely relate. I miss finding comfort through a stuffed animal to cuddle. And yes, now I have my husband to comfort and cuddle me, but there are times when even he can't bring me up and I have to find comfort within myself (we all go through those times). I guess it's the same as when I was a kid, where the love of that stuffed animal was really just a manifestation of my love and comfort for myself reflected through an object. It's just that it was so much easier when I was a kid and could convince myself the stuffed animal could solve my problems instead of being a grown up and realizing I must solve my own problems.

Anyway, I'm rambling at this point, but yes, I VERY much relate.