Wednesday, July 16, 2008


Should I be offended? Probably not. But, it drives me crazy, the things people say to you when they find out that you are recently married. It's usually in one of three categories:

1. Babies
2. Stereotypes
3. "lessons"

I'll start with #1. On our wedding day, I totally expected that people would tease us and ask how soon we were having kids. Not fun, but expected. We'll have kids in our own sweet time, when we decide it is the right time. You all know I love kids, so that's not the issue, it's just that we would like a little time for US, I know we're selfish. But, back to the point. Now I have people asking if we got married because I was "knocked up" or wanting to pat my stomach. I'm just fat, folks, nothing to see here, move along.

#2. People always seem to have some stereotypical joke about one of us dominating the other. There's the jump/how high joke, there's the remote control jokes, and let's not forget referring to me as an appliance. All of these are in good fun, I think. Some of the people really seem to think that one of us has to be "the boss". I'm not going to tell him what to do, or prevent him from doing as he likes, and he's not going to do that to me either. You want to know why we're together? We LIKE to be. No-one is making anyone do anything.

#3. Lessons. While I appreciate the advice of people who have gone before me, most of it starts with stuff from the category above. Think "you've gotta make him" or "don't let her". Also, divorced and bitter people seem to have the most advice. Now, I know plenty of people who are divorced, and they aren't all like that. Just some seem to think any meting of a man and woman is doom and gloom. Also, lessons on how to be a wife for me. I can do it! I haven't poisoned myself with my cooking nor had the health board come in to the house yet, I don't really need to know how to fold napkins for dinner, and if I decide that I do, I can look it up. Now, all that being said, I don't mind a little practical advice, as long as it's not given in a condescending tone.

To my newlywed friends, does this drive you mad too, or was it this weekend's assumptionfest that set me off?


Charlotte said...

Yeah, if I had a nickel for every time someone asked me when I was going to start having babies...I could quit my job and retire!

Tracy calls me "boss" all the time, and then he got Katie started doing it. I think he does it on purpose because I find it irritating, but it's still a little bit funny.

I don't know if you've heard this one, but it beats everything else I've heard. Before the wedding I ran into a friend at work, and she is on her THIRD marriage. She asked how it was going and I told her I was going nuts with all the things I had to do in the last 2 weeks before the wedding. She says to me, "Well, next time you'll do it differently!" (Her third wedding happened in Vegas)Now, I love her, and I didn't take it the wrong way because that's just her sense of humor, but man, that was encouraging, wasn't it!

feefers said...

Where did you hear all of these assumptions? It sounds like you were in a torture chamber. Yeah, tired of hearing the baby questions... Definitely...

Annemarie said...

It's not one place I've heard all of this, it's just the huge number of people that seem to set me off. The start for this was a maitre d at a restaurant my parents love and take us to.

Steph said...

I realize this is coming a bit late...but I loved this! It's so true. Even though we've been married almost 4 years(!), I remember those first months when the questions and advice came nonstop. Of course, the kids question never seems to stop!