It's been too long

Sorry to anyone reading this, and especially to schmoopie. Sorry. I've managed to get some positive thinking done. I went to the doctor and she found NOTHING in my breast. It was nothing ever. Nothing to worry about. I think I can cope with going back to court. I'm waiting right now for them to file the paperwork so I get a date. I decided to make the doctor's visit a turning point. It was the first positive (non-Jason related) news I've gotten in a while. If that's going well, the rest will too. I say non-Jason related because stuff about him is always good. In other news...

Christmas is almost here and I'm almost done shopping. Almost. I've got a couple of things left to get for a couple of people. My bridal shower is this weekend! Yay! I still can't believe that I'm the bride this time. I'm so happy! We put up all of our Christmas stuff! I keep meaning to take pictures with it all together and the living room clean, but it hasn't happened yet. We ordered, put together and mailed out invitations. I think they came out really well. I had my first fitting for my gown, it's beautiful. I love it. I love it more than all the other ones in all the other shops. I hope Jason likes it when he sees me walk down the aisle. I still need to make the favors.

Ooooh! We got an old Sega genesis the other day! We tried to hook it up, but it wouldn't work, so we took it back to the store, and it worked there. Then we brought it home and now it works there too! We got a lot of games! Ecco the Dolphin, Aladdin, Sonic, Jurassic Park, and X-men one, a Wrestling one and a racing one! I played ecco this morning, and I felt like I was back in Amanda's bedroom. Hee!

Better things

I don't know how I'm able to compartmentalize my life like this and still be stressed, but I didn't want to write about good fun things in the same blog as bad evil things. soooooooo....

We painted this weekend. The living room this time. Bright blue this time. I think it's beautiful. I'd always wanted to paint my house beautiful bright colors, and now I have. I didn't at the condo, because I was afraid that stupid people wouldn't like it, and I'm sure that would have been true, but this is great! It's so blue, Jason saw it from the street the other night. It was really easy to! The bigger wall took about an hour, and Jason did the smaller one by himself today! I really love it, and I think it looks great with the couch.

Also, I ordered my wedding invitations this weekend. They are really pretty. Chances are, if you're reading this blog, you're going to see one, unless you found me otherwise! Hee hee! Here's the walls!

I really don't know.

So, I've been looking at what I wrote last week and I don't know if I feel any better or not. I'm not constantly down in the uber dumps, but I'm not all better either. Jason really helps with this a lot. He's like an instant feel better for me. I don't know how I got so lucky with him.
The whole "B" thing is just so depressing. I feel like it will follow me around for the rest of my life. Plus there's the student loans. Arrrgh. I have to weigh the good versus the bad I guess. I said a long time ago, that even if i had to file the "b" it wouldn't affect my daily life. Now, I'm letting it, through stress. I have to try to not let it, but that's hard. Anyone have suggestions for how to rise above? Leave me a comment.

If it's possible, worse

At least it feels like it. So I went to the meeting of creditors yesterday, and that went okay, but I found out that I'm going to have to go to court again. I have to go plead my case to keep the car. It was what I was afraid of, and I really don't want to do it. It's awful. I'm really scared. It's probably next month. Also, now if I sue her, the "B" trustee gets the money! So it's a moral issue. Do I want to spend the time and money to go after her, or not? It would mean extra hassle for me. BUT otherwise it seems like I've done nothing to go after the person who screwed my life up so bad, and pretended to be my friend the whole time.
Also, I went to the doctor yesterday morning and she found a lump in my breast. Great. Just what I needed. Health concerns to go with the other crap. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a lump of concentrated stress. So, I have to see a specialist.
I'm feeling REALLY down today. I feel like I'm never going to get a break. I mean, I've been happy this summer, this year, but there's always been some unfinished business hanging about. There's always a cloud. There's always something and it's always a big something. It leaves me wondering what I've done wrong karmically to deserve this? I haven't killed anyone, in fact I've tried not to hurt people. I thought I was a good person, now I wonder. Am I really that awful? Am I ever going to have a life clear from major problems? I mean, the bankruptcy is on my credit for 10 years. Yeah, the people say that if I'm good in 2 years things will be back to normal, but I just don't know. It was the last thing that I wanted to do. I didn't want to declare it. I had to. It would have ruined my future for sure, having the judgment on there. It would have slapped itself on to any house I bought, it would have followed me to my grave. It was my only choice, but it doesn't affect any of my other bills. I don't have any other debt that is going away. I had gotten rid of any credit card debt years ago. I didn't have anything else. Why did it come to this? Why do I deserve this? Why?

Terrified.

Okay, the big B meeting is tomorrow at 2. I am more terrified than I thought I would be. I thought that once I made it through that first one, this stuff would be cake. but I'm scared. I'm not going to write much more, but just think of me tomorrow, and think no-asset.

Elephants on Acid

Okay, so I haven't even read it yet, but I've read all about it. There's this new book out called "Elephants on Acid". It's a review of some of the strangest experiments ever carried out in the name of science. I already think this stuff is fascinating, like the stanford prison experiment, or the one where people thought they were killing others, but did it because they were told to (both of which are in the book) but this book tells of so many that were even new to me! Here's a link to a preview :
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/Top/experiments/P0

and just because it says museum of hoaxes, don't write it off. The guy who runs the website wrote the book. It was even on "Wait, Wait, don't tell me" the other day. So... It's really interesting and I can't wait to read it.

I'm also trying to think of ways to get more people to read this blog! I don't really know why, maybe I'm an exhibitionist (I don't think so much) but I'd like it to be read! SO! Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! Tell strangers on the street!

In my life right now, I'm still wedding planning, stressing about you know what, and trying in between all of that to have fun! I've got everything done except for the invitations. It's sure coming up quick. I can't wait. OH! And there is a honeymoon change! We are going in March! We are going to Miami! We are going on a cruise!!!!!! It's going to be very awesome. More soon...

Eeeek!

It's been so long! I've been busy. This week and last, we have been moving the library. It's hard work, but it's fun to see everything go together. I've been doing a lot!
Wedding planning is taking up a lot of my time. We've decided on favors, so now I need to get to it. The caterers have a contract done, the dress is in (yay!, its beautiful) and the church is booked. The rehearsal dinner site is booked, and when I negotiate some with the florist, that will be done too. Our cake is going to be delicious. I've got all of the accessories for my dress except for the tiara, it hasn't come in yet. Jason went and picked out a tux! He's going to look so handsome.
This past weekend we got new furniture. We got a new entertainment center. It's so pretty. I was a little sad to get rid of the old one, Jason had made it and I thought it was cool, but this one is taller, which Jason wanted (wait, I'll get there) and is a pretty dark color that we are going to try for in the loving room. Jason put it all together like an expert. It is cool. We also went to see Michael Kelsey last night. It was a really good show.
Jason's car has really come a long way! It's all painted and he made a rear view mirror for it that is really awesome. He's good at working with his hands. There's a picture of me crashing it (okay, crashing my PlayStation Aston Martin) at the top. The reason we got the new entertainment center so soon is that the old one was too low to see the TV when we were driving the car.

What else? I don't know. This as all kinda been stream of consciousness anyway.

Knitting is hard!

Hello dear reader. This weekend was fun! On Friday night we went to see 3:10 to Yuma. It was good. Westerny. :) Then Saturday we slept in, and I was treated to a hot stone massage by Jason! Okay, he didn't actually do the massaging, but he bought it for me. It was soooo nice and relaxing. I love those warm rocks. mmmmmm. That night wen went to the Japanese Steakhouse. It was delicious as always. Then Sunday we went to the (superhot) renaissance fair at Conner prairie. We saw some fun stuff including a falconer. I asked him for info about coming to the library to do a presentation. He would be great. We went to BD's Mongolian BBQ and had some lunch then. Both of us managed to eat less than usual. Who knew we had that kind of willpower? Good for us. Usually I go home from there waddling. The rest of the time we just relaxed. It was nice.
Today I did a lot of wedding stuff. I've got my veil and tiara ordered, I'm deciding on shoes (hey' if you've got an opinion, let me hear it) and the dress should be in next month! We are seeing the florist and having a tasting at Piper's on Saturday. I think we'll try to see about cake in there somewhere too.
I like the wedding planning stuff. It's fun.

Oh yeah, plus Jason got me some knitting supplies and I am trying to learn!Picture is an oldie but goodie from the children's museum.

Letting it go

Well, it's out of my hands now. I filed for you-know-what this morning. I'm not typing it because I'm sick of seeing the ad on the blog. I'm still really scared about it. I signed the papers this morning, and my first and only meeting will be in November, she thinks. She doesn't think that there will be any problem. So, I hope that's progress. I always think of a million things that could go wrong.
Right now I just want to go home and sleep. Neither Jason nor I got any sleep last night. I think I kept him up. I was tossing and turning all night. I hope that I can learn to deal with the stress. I hope more that it goes away. She didn't think it would clear before the wedding, but said that that wouldn't be a problem. So, I guess I had better stop thinking about it. There's nothing to be gained from that.

Johnny Appleseed, Dogs, and Whirligigs

Boy, oh, boy have I been busy. This week at work, I've got 2 class visits tomorrow, both on Johnny Appleseed, who I know NOTHING about until this week, storytime on Thursday, and about a million other things to do!

This weekend was fun though. Saturday, we got up, thought we were going to the bridal show, and found out when we got there that it wasn't until Sunday. Oops. So we went to my Mom's house for some paid labor, and then went home to scrub all of the dirt off.

That night Jason took me out on a date! Yay! He's always coming up with nice stuff for us to do. I love it. What he didn't know until now (maybe) is that I'm content sitting at home with him, or playing video games with him, or taking a walk together. So going out on a nice date is just icing on the cake. We had borrowed my Dad's miata, and drove it over to Dawson's on main street. It's in speedway, and it's where we were thinking of having our rehearsal dinner. We had crab cakes as an appetizer. They were very good. Crunchy on the outside and very good and dense with crab on the inside. Delicious. Then I had "smothered chicken" it was chicken with a Dijon sauce, then on top of that, scallions, mushrooms, bacon and cheese. WOW. It was so so so good. The mashed potatoes were a little dry, but the green beans were good. I loved it overall. I really want that chicken again. I want the recipe. mmmmmm.

After dinner we went over to The Jazz Kitchen to see a band called "The Bad Plus". Jason had heard them on the (satellite) radio, and said they were good, and did lots of interesting covers such as "Smells like Teen Spirit" etc. Well, we got there, and they didn't. They played a couple of covers but nothing really up my alley too much. Their original stuff was interesting if hard for me to understand. I felt like they were too hip for me. BUT, I enjoyed it.

Sunday we actually went to the bridal show, and saw some interesting stuff. For instance, places that will preserve your bouquet. It looks really cool. We talked with a couple of cake people and have a couple of leads! Yay. Most of the stuff there was reception sites and photographers. Since we have both, we got through pretty quickly and headed for....

The British car show. I was excited to go, because my dream car, my favorite car ever, the best car in the world is British. This car would be the Morgan plus 8. (see illustration at top). Unfortunately, there were no Morgans at the show, but there were a lot of interesting cars to see. I like the MGs too, and there were a few jaguars that were really pretty. I got a tiny plus 8 and a Morgan shirt. Not half bad...

There was however, one car that stood out among it's fellows. It was not British. It was silver, well, stainless steel colored at least. It had gull wing doors for you to hit your head upon. You can probably already see it's picture at the bottom of the page. Maybe the best thing it had however, was a flux capacitor. YES! It was a delorean. Yes! It really did have a flux capacitor. When we got excited about it and said, "It has a flux capacitor" the owner of the car looked at me and said the words that made me love her, this stranger. She said, with a straight face "It's what makes time travel possible". I almost cried. Then we noticed that it had a license plate that said.... "OUTA TYME" YAY!!! I was so happy, and then her husband asked if Jason would like a picture of me behind the wheel!!!! YAY! See the result! It was severely awesome. I'm kinda embarrassed for getting that excited to sit in a car that didn't fit in at the British car show, but hey, I am who I am, thanks Popeye.