Motivation. nope

I have no motivation to work today. I see my desk covered in papers and other things I could do, but no! I would rather do nothing. I like my job, don't get me wrong, but today I just feel zapped. I did this morning. I let myself sleep WAAAAAAY too late, and was late to work. Now I'm in my office, staring at the aforementioned papers. Yeah. I guess the situation of my life in general is due an update.

The big "b" is, over, I guess. I got my discharge paper in the mail, and that's supposed to be the end. I do still have to go to court on the 6th, and I so still have to surrender my tax return, but other than that, I'm done. I have to save up to get a secured credit card. That's supposed to be my first step in the credit recovery department. I'm anxious to do that. I guess I'm still young enough to not have the affect me as badly, but dang. I still don't like it.

Student loans are still there but in forbearance at the moment. I'm still scared I'll never pay those off. There's a plan. I hope it works. I haven't spoken to evil in over a year now. That's strange to me. It's amazing how much a part of your life someone can be and then is gone in an instant. Now, I'm not saying that I EVER want to see her face again, but it's just odd.

All that stuff was depressing me, so on to better things. The wedding is in 9 days. I'm going to be first hair appointments on Saturday. Mom is picking up my dress on Friday. I'm excited. I'm really lucky to have found someone as awesome as my Jason. I wonder if he knows. Even if the wedding ended up having no music, no guests, no anything, I would still be so happy.

I have good friends. I can count on them to talk to me when I'm down, when I'm up and laugh at me when I insult the organist. Yeah, I totally deserved that. We live in a nice, cozy apartment. It might be small, but it's the first place other than my parents' that's really felt like home. I love the paint we put on the walls. I have love. I have a wonderful family. I have a new family.

What do I want? I want my student loans paid off. I want Jason to find a new job that he loves. I want to be with him forever. I want to have friends over and cook out this summer. I want to have more confidence and less insecurity. I want to clean the house this week. Okay, that one I NEED to do.

I know this has all been kinda stream of consciousness, but well, that's where I am.